Principles for Transforming the Lives of Children

aTLC offers the following evidence-linked Principles for promoting optimal human development. Our deep concern for children and parents is woven into each Principle. We invite you to ponder these Principles to motivate and inspire you. We encourage you to recognize and follow your intuitive knowledge and instincts. Our intent is to help you co-create with children a life that is practical, harmonious, and joyful.

1. All children are born with inherent physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual needs that, when met, foster optimal human development.
2. Every child needs to be securely bonded with at least one other person—optimally the mother.
3. All children are by nature social beings, born with the drive to play, learn, cooperate with others, and contribute to their world.
4. Each child carries within a unique pattern of development designed to unfold in accordance with the child’s own rhythm and pace.
5. Young children communicate their needs through behavior that is strongly influenced by innate temperament, early experiences, the behavior modeled by others, and current circumstances.
6. The ability of parents and caregivers to nurture children is strongly influenced by their own birth, childhood, and life experiences.
7. Children depend upon their parents and caregivers to keep them safe and to protect them from emotional and physical neglect, violence, sexual abuse, and other toxic conditions.
8. A child who is nurtured in the womb of a healthy, loving, and tranquil mother receives the best possible start in life.
9. A natural birth affords significant benefits to mother and baby; therefore, both the potential benefits and risks of any intervention warrant careful consideration.
10. Breastfeeding, continual physical contact, and being carried on the body are necessary for optimal brain and immune system development, and promote the long-term health of the baby and mother.
11. A father’s consistent, meaningful, and loving presence in a child’s life is significant to the child, father, mother, and the wellbeing of the family.
12. Parents create a strong foundation for family life when they consciously conceive, foster, or adopt a child, and are committed to understand and meet the child’s needs
13. Single parents have a special need for a strong emotional and financial support system to effectively nurture their children.
14. Political, economic, and social structures either enhance or diminish parents’ opportunities to nurture and sustain a secure bond with their children.
15. When children live in socially responsive families and communities, they receive a foundation for becoming socially responsible themselves.
16. Effective parenting is an art that can be learned.

By implementing these Principles through Actions such as those suggested in the aTLC Blueprint, societies can transform themselves into dynamic, life-honoring cultures where children are loved, protected, respected, valued, and encouraged to joyfully participate in the vital life of family and community.

Pam Leo: Connection Parenting and Optimal Child Development

“Continuing the Connection of Attachment Parenting”

http://www.connectionparenting.com/ “Connection parenting is parenting through connection instead of coercion, through love instead of fear.” The model of parenting most of us grew up with was authoritarian parenting, which is based on fear. Some of us may have grown up with permissive parenting, which is also based on fear. Authoritarian parenting is based on the child’s fear of losing the parent’s love. Permissive parenting is based on the parent’s fear of losing the child’s love. Connection parenting is based on love instead of fear. Connection Parenting recognizes that securing and maintaining a healthy parent-child bond is our primary work as parents and the key to our children’s optimal human development. Our effectiveness as parents is in direct proportion to the strength of the bond we have with our child. Connection Parenting promotes parenting practices that support a strong, healthy parent-child bond. Both authoritarian parenting and permissive parenting are reactive. Connection parenting is proactive. Rather than focusing on ways to discipline children when their feelings of disconnection result in uncooperative or unacceptable behavior, Connection Parenting focuses on ways to maintain and increase the parent-child bond/connection. Connection parenting is an ideal, a navigation star we can look to for guidance. Whenever we question how to respond to a child we can ask ourselves, will this response create a connection or a disconnection. We feel connected when we feel listened to and loved. We feel disconnected when we feel hurt and unheard. Sometimes a child’s behavior will push our buttons and we react rather than respond. As soon as we realize we have created a disconnect, we can reconnect by doing the following:

• Rewind – Acknowledge we have said or done something hurtful
• Repair – Apologize and ask for forgiveness
• Replay – Respond with love and listening