"Your baby is so content! What is your secret?"
Parenting can bring out some pretty big emotions. Nothing kicks off a debate between adults quicker than the implication that YOUR/THEIR parenting philosophies might be half-baked…or wrong…or questionably legal…or safe. Say one of these words loudly at the mall, at your next family reunion, or at the office get-together: Circumcision. Co-sleeping. Breastfeeding. Spanking. Childbirth. These simple words can evoke so many different feelings depending on who you are talking to: Guilt. Pride. Jealousy. Regret. Joy.
But the feelings that I am trying to cultivate more in myself are: Empathy and Humility.
I recently watched the film Away We Go. Let me say first: I really loved it. Let me say secondly: I only knew the bare minimum about it, I had not read reviews or viewed any trailers for it. And finally, let me say: the scene about AP values really stung when I first saw it. Here is a clip from that scene. And another. Go ahead and watch them if you have not seen the film. Here is the trailer if you want to get an overview of the whole thing. I’ll wait.
The film depicted several families and several different parenting styles. There was the disrespectful family who seemed to believe that their children were deaf and dumb. There was the super-crunchy AP family. There was the open-arms adopt-a-lot-of-kids rainbow family. The single-parent family. It was very easy for Sir Hubby and I to scoff, guffaw, and feel superior when the disrespectful family was on the screen. What kind of jerks treat their kids like that! But there was an awkward silence in the room when the AP value family came on. Mostly it was quiet because Sir Hubby had fallen asleep. But also, because I could easily identify ALL of our AP values being depicted by these characters. At first, a sort of pride welled up in me…
Hooray for AP values being shown in a movie! Extended breastfeeding! Babywearing! Family bed! Doula’s! Yippeeee!
But then I realized that the film was not praising those choices, but depicting them as kinda crazy. Kinda over-the-top. Kinda awful. The pregnant couple shouts at the AP family, calls them horrible names, and finally flees the house.
Whoa. I start warming my fingers up to draft a strongly worded letter to the writers:
How dare you! Babywearing this! Family bed that! Baby-led breastfeeding this! Don’t you know that studies have shown that AP…
Wait a minute. THIS is what the writers of the film were making fun of! The passionately snobby caricature of AP parents. They were showing how non-AP parents are meant to feel when smug-AP parents berate them or humiliate them or shame them for not being superior enough to make the choice to AP immediately and instinctively. And maybe we don’t do it on purpose…but whenever we proclaim that our way is the best way– the ONLY way– if you want healthy kids, happy kids, gentle kids, smart kids, compassionate kids, then we have not turned someone on to AP…we have chased them away. They are fleeing the house just like the couple in the movie did. Continue reading 'Away We Go With Parenting!'»
Attachment Parenting, Babywearing, Balance, Breastfeeding, Childbirth, Co-Sleeping, Doula, Education, Family Life, Homebirth, Parenting In Public, Positive Discipline, Pregnancy, Respond With Sensitivity, VBAC
After having a pretty crappy week in which I did a lot of complaining about things that were not going well (post office debacle, too much snow, feverish toddlers, hubby’s who work too much, a belly that is still smooshy) I decided that what I needed was a bit of perspective. And here it is:
1) The Planet Wise Wet/Dry Bag does not suck!
2) The delivery guy from Hungry Howies did not suck!
3) The new coffee Sir Hubby bought did not suck!
4) The Vegetarian Times does not suck!
5) Thirsties diaper covers do not suck!
6) Home made ginger, lemon, sugar and olive oil body scrub does not suck! Continue reading '25 Things That Don’t Suck'»
Following the Principles: Parts 7 & 8 in a series of 8
Baby Lazlo~ 1/6/10 ~ 11lbs~ 23"long ~ Born Safely at Home!
Now that we have finally welcomed our newest addition— an 11lb son named Lazlo who was born safely at our home — I can take the time to sit down and write again. The swelling and the restlessness of late pregnancy made computer time just one more form of torture in a sea of physical discomforts. Fortunately, those discomforts are behind me now (although I vow to never, ever forget the challenges of the third trimester, just in case I am ever stricken with Baby Fever again years from now) and my recovery has been a joyous time of healing, snuggling, nursing and marveling. Well…for the most part.
Our first tandem nursing session a few minutes after Lazlo's birth.
There, of course, is my sweet little 22-month-old T-Bird to deal with. While she is thrilled that there is breastmilk on the menu again, she is not as enthusiastic about her new little brother trying to enjoy that milk–with or without her. Nursing them together is a terrific way to get a worry-free 20-minute power-nap, but can also backfire and result in T-Bird’s numerous attempts to unlatch the baby, to poke him the eye, to cover his face with a blanket, to elbow him… fun times. So then, I will go with the other extreme and nurse T-Bird first, or nurse her in another room, or nurse her after I get Lazlo to sleep. She then proceeds to spend that time constantly unlatching and relatching asking “Where’s Lazlo? Baby wants nursie?” while pulling, scratching and patting the unoccupied breast…more fun times. Not to mention the all-new behaviors when we are not nursing—throwing, hitting, screeching, drawing on walls, stomping food into the carpets. Continue reading 'Practice Positive Discipline & Strive for Balance in Personal and Family Life'»
Following The Principles: Part 5 of a series of 8: I did not expect the arrival of my first baby to create so much upheaval in my bedroom. There was no room for a “nursery” so by default we became co-sleepers. The room would have never won any awards for decorating to begin with, but after the baby it became a minefield of clothes, blankets, stuffed animals, toys, wipes, baby nail clippers, bulb syringes, diapers, and little mismatched baby socks.
My Dream Bedroom
After firstborn moved into his own room at about two and half years, we spent joyous hours creating HIS space with all of HIS favorite things. It was then that I made a vow to create a special place for me to relax and recharge. I fantasized about my ideal bedroom…my haven. I knew one day I would have the resources to make that happen! Continue reading 'Ensure Safe Sleep'»
T-Bird takes life as it comes
When I enter the path, I can clearly see the goal. The center of the path. The object of the game. There it is! I head out confidently straight towards it. But the path suddenly veers to the left. I’m moving away from my goal. But my confidence is still high, my energy levels are still revved up, the memory of the goal being in my sights has not faded. Any disappointment is only temporary.
Soon the path curves back to the right, and although I am a bit further from the goal then when I started, it is clearly in sight again and the forward momentum of my ambition will have me claiming my reward in moments. Instead, the path cuts sharply away from the goal once again. It quickly twists and turns back and forth, one instant I am so close to my goal that one more simple step towards it will get me there. The path has other plans though. The turns come so rapidly that I have to slow my pace or risk becoming unbalanced. I barely move forward at all, but keep twisting back and forth. For a few moments, I lose my sense of direction–lose site of the goal– and focus instead on my bare feet on the smooth pavement of the path. Continue reading 'Lunch at the Labyrinth'»
I wouldn't do it any other way!
knew that our family was not in a financial position for me to be able to give up my “day job” all together after T-Bird was born, but I naturally wanted to spend every possible moment with her too! Our family struggled (a lot) with this issue. On one hand, two incomes would certainly make our lives less stressful. And on the other hand, we fully supported the principles of attachment parenting and wanted to make as few compromises to those principles as possible. So we started making the changes in our life that would allow us to do both. Working outside of the home is certainly compatible with AP—and AP helps parents and babies create a strong bond even if they are not always together. Actually, AP is particularity valuable for parents who work outside of the home! But being able to work full time and practice the AP principles at the same time has taken some pretty creative thinking (not to mention some big priority changes) for our family. Continue reading 'How We Make Working Work For Us'»
Just getting started
Here we are at six weeks postpartum and I have seven more days before I am returning to work. I don’t feel like someone who is fully recovered and ready to return to my pre-baby life. Who came up with this six weeks thing as the magic number for all things returning to normal? I am fortunate that my job is supportive enough to allow me to work reduced & flexible hours and bring T-bird to the office while I am at my desk working (I obviously cannot take her with me when I visit families in their homes). I can’t imagine an entire day away from her yet; T-bird is still so tiny and needs me so desperately. Not to mention the fact that, though technically healed, my body is in this limbo between pregnant and non-pregnant–choked full of hormones and churning out a constant supply of food for my baby. Sure, I am no longer medically at risk for infection or hemorrhage…but is that all that matters? Isn’t there more to parenting? Continue reading 'Six Weeks: Not The Magic Number'»
Attachment Parenting, Balance, Breastfeeding, Family Life, Parenting At Work
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Attachment Parenting, Breastfeeding, Childbirth, Dr Sears, Postpartum, PPD, Working Momma
Our four year old, Bug, was a fairly hands-on big sister while I was pregnant with our most recent addition. She practiced for her sister’s arrival by singing Happy Birthday Tummy and You Are My Sunshine to my bulging abdomen on a daily basis. I was the recipient of numerous belly rubs, belly pats, belly raspberries, and even some elaborate belly painting. Bug excitedly participated in our visits with the midwife. We prepared her for our homebirth by reading books on the subject, showing her age-appropriate videos and photos of births and newborn babies, and having frank discussions about her concerns for my well-being. I allowed her to relax in the birthing pool with me at night before bed. We also did our best to prepare her for our Fifteen Day Babymoon— baby and I planned to remain in the room where I had given birth for 15 days in order to ease her transition into the world and to facilitate my recovery. What we hadn’t prepared for was Bug’s reaction to the shift in priorities once our new baby was here. Continue reading 'A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words'»
Attachment Parenting, Babywearing, Balance, Family Life, Prepare for Pregnancy, Respond With Sensitivity
| Balance, Bug, Family Life, Preparing for Pregnancy, Respond With Sensitivity, Siblings, T-Bird
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