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I just put in a print order for these and will have them available at the Doulas For All meeting at Borders on Tuesday June 29th. Donations of $1 per card will benefit Doulas For All! Great idea for adding to a baby shower card, or to keep in your diaper bag to present to a nursing duo, or to help educate…write to info@DoulasForAll.org or call 661-DOULAS-1 to get yours today!
"Your baby is so content! What is your secret?"
Parenting can bring out some pretty big emotions. Nothing kicks off a debate between adults quicker than the implication that YOUR/THEIR parenting philosophies might be half-baked…or wrong…or questionably legal…or safe. Say one of these words loudly at the mall, at your next family reunion, or at the office get-together: Circumcision. Co-sleeping. Breastfeeding. Spanking. Childbirth. These simple words can evoke so many different feelings depending on who you are talking to: Guilt. Pride. Jealousy. Regret. Joy.
But the feelings that I am trying to cultivate more in myself are: Empathy and Humility.
I recently watched the film Away We Go. Let me say first: I really loved it. Let me say secondly: I only knew the bare minimum about it, I had not read reviews or viewed any trailers for it. And finally, let me say: the scene about AP values really stung when I first saw it. Here is a clip from that scene. And another. Go ahead and watch them if you have not seen the film. Here is the trailer if you want to get an overview of the whole thing. I’ll wait.
The film depicted several families and several different parenting styles. There was the disrespectful family who seemed to believe that their children were deaf and dumb. There was the super-crunchy AP family. There was the open-arms adopt-a-lot-of-kids rainbow family. The single-parent family. It was very easy for Sir Hubby and I to scoff, guffaw, and feel superior when the disrespectful family was on the screen. What kind of jerks treat their kids like that! But there was an awkward silence in the room when the AP value family came on. Mostly it was quiet because Sir Hubby had fallen asleep. But also, because I could easily identify ALL of our AP values being depicted by these characters. At first, a sort of pride welled up in me…
Hooray for AP values being shown in a movie! Extended breastfeeding! Babywearing! Family bed! Doula’s! Yippeeee!
But then I realized that the film was not praising those choices, but depicting them as kinda crazy. Kinda over-the-top. Kinda awful. The pregnant couple shouts at the AP family, calls them horrible names, and finally flees the house.
Whoa. I start warming my fingers up to draft a strongly worded letter to the writers:
How dare you! Babywearing this! Family bed that! Baby-led breastfeeding this! Don’t you know that studies have shown that AP…
Wait a minute. THIS is what the writers of the film were making fun of! The passionately snobby caricature of AP parents. They were showing how non-AP parents are meant to feel when smug-AP parents berate them or humiliate them or shame them for not being superior enough to make the choice to AP immediately and instinctively. And maybe we don’t do it on purpose…but whenever we proclaim that our way is the best way– the ONLY way– if you want healthy kids, happy kids, gentle kids, smart kids, compassionate kids, then we have not turned someone on to AP…we have chased them away. They are fleeing the house just like the couple in the movie did. Continue reading 'Away We Go With Parenting!'»
The Consumer Products Safety Commission (CPSC) released this warning today in response to infant deaths in last 20 years from the improper use of slings. However, there is no mention that they are specifically referring to bag-style slings– which are not what most dedicated babywearers would refer to as a sling, anyway. The Infantino Sling Rider in particular is one of the types of slings that are responsible for 14 infant deaths in the past 20 years. It is a poorly designed sling, and as Anne over at Dou-la-la points out;
“…these particular brands were created in a response to a trend, without much if any real research, and without a fundamental belief in babywearing as a practice.”
I completely agree that they are probably an ignorantly-executed attempt to get the Big Box Store Crowd on the sling bandwagon after some junior executive saw a picture of a celebrity wearing their baby in a sling on some magazine at the checkout line.
Most upsetting was the steaming pile of crap that came out of the mouth of Don Mays from Consumer Reports on CBS’s The Early Show:
“Don’t use slings at all,” Mays recommends. “There are safer ways of carrying your baby than in a sling.”
Mr. Mays. Ahem. You might want to get your facts straight. For the 10 year time period between 1995-2005, there were 22 stroller-related deaths for children under the age of 5 reported to CPSC. A majority of these deaths involved suffocation, entrapment or positional asphyxiation of an infant. 3x the amount of death in less time. And the leading item that injures and kills babies? INFANT CAR SEATS AND CARRIERS (and that EXCLUDES automobile accident related incidents). 14 deaths in 20 years from slings…meanwhile 182 children were KILLED by improper car seat/carrier use in only 2 years. And 65 infants died from CRIB related accidents. So it sounds to me that slings might be one of the most safe ways to carry your baby.
The CPSC does clarify that:
many of the babies who died in slings were either a low birth weight twin, were born prematurely, or had breathing issues such as a cold. Therefore, CPSC urges parents of preemies, twins, babies in fragile health and those with low weight to use extra care and consult their pediatricians about using slings.
By all means, let’s please include warnings that your sling is a parenting tool, not a replacement for common sense and observation…but saying that no one should ever use a sling is NOT a reasonable recommendation on the part of the CPSC or Consumer Reports. Shame on them.
It is well documented that baby wearing has numerous benefits for both babies and parents. Babywearing is a world-wide parenting tool. Babywearing is a centuries old tradition. Yet, we wore our baby to the grocery store early today, and I could feel people’s eyes on me…sending out judgey vibes…trying to warn me that I was KILLING MY BABY by giving me withering glares because they watched a 1-minute spiel on The Early Show and can now smugly claim to have been schooled in babywearing by the incredibly informed Mr Mays. Sigh. Usually, I love educating people about the benefits of slings, and usually my happy babies are the best endorsement for them. Now I will have to spend my time convincing people that my baby can breathe and that I am coordinated enough to avoid walking him face-first into the steam table at the Hot Asian Food Bar at Wegman’s. Dammit.
Well, I can just show them this vide0…or invite them to come to a babywearing seminar. What babywearing seminar, you ask? The one that I will offer for free to anyone who wants to learn more about slings. Call me. Text me. Email me. Facebook me. SERIOUSLY.
Following the Principles: Parts 7 & 8 in a series of 8
Baby Lazlo~ 1/6/10 ~ 11lbs~ 23"long ~ Born Safely at Home!
Now that we have finally welcomed our newest addition— an 11lb son named Lazlo who was born safely at our home — I can take the time to sit down and write again. The swelling and the restlessness of late pregnancy made computer time just one more form of torture in a sea of physical discomforts. Fortunately, those discomforts are behind me now (although I vow to never, ever forget the challenges of the third trimester, just in case I am ever stricken with Baby Fever again years from now) and my recovery has been a joyous time of healing, snuggling, nursing and marveling. Well…for the most part.
Our first tandem nursing session a few minutes after Lazlo's birth.
There, of course, is my sweet little 22-month-old T-Bird to deal with. While she is thrilled that there is breastmilk on the menu again, she is not as enthusiastic about her new little brother trying to enjoy that milk–with or without her. Nursing them together is a terrific way to get a worry-free 20-minute power-nap, but can also backfire and result in T-Bird’s numerous attempts to unlatch the baby, to poke him the eye, to cover his face with a blanket, to elbow him… fun times. So then, I will go with the other extreme and nurse T-Bird first, or nurse her in another room, or nurse her after I get Lazlo to sleep. She then proceeds to spend that time constantly unlatching and relatching asking “Where’s Lazlo? Baby wants nursie?” while pulling, scratching and patting the unoccupied breast…more fun times. Not to mention the all-new behaviors when we are not nursing—throwing, hitting, screeching, drawing on walls, stomping food into the carpets. Continue reading 'Practice Positive Discipline & Strive for Balance in Personal and Family Life'»
Following the Principles, Part 6 of a series of 8: As we enter the last few (days? weeks?) of our pregnancy with LF#5, I have to admit that one of my biggest, most gigantic fears about having two nurslings under the age of two is “how will I EVER find a sitter for two completely attached, nursing babies AND my high-needs 6 year old???” Not that we have a need to spend a ton of time away from our kids, but having the option for some time together every few months seems like a marriage saving idea!
In the past, with the wide age spacing of the older children, it was really never a big deal. Everyone was always happy to have the older, experienced “helper” tag along to provide invaluable care-giving advice: “Oh, that cry means she wants her blankie! or “By this time, Mom always puts her in the sling!” And even when Bug came along with her higher-needs personality, we had my parents nearby to help out when she was very tiny, and after we moved further away, she had her own personal favorite nanny to provide loving care when she was a toddler. When T-Bird arrived and I had to return to work much sooner than I would have liked, we got creative and rearranged our work schedule to ensure that either Sir Hubby or I could always take care of her (and yes, that’s our picture on page 189 of Attached at the Heart!)
Since moving away from my parents, our beloved nanny, and my flexible job, I have been a full-time homeschooler, stay-at-home-parent and very tired pregnant lady! But being at home has also allowed me to forge many wonderful friendships in our new hometown. I adore that we share so many of the same parenting values with our new circle of friends. But, like me, they also have very full lives and busy families. We can get together and have playgroups, and homeschool groups, and ladies nights…but leaving T-Bird with someone other than Sir Hubby or Big Sister Ella has not been territory that I have delved into yet. Continue reading 'Provide Consistent and Loving Care'»
Principle Number Three: Respond With Sensitivity. It seemed as if the universe was not willing to allow me to get this post completed on time. With strong opinions firmly in hand, I have sat down a dozen times to write this post…and nothing. Sure I have some drafts…some ramblings about babies, and how this pregnancy has confirmed and reinforced my feelings. But they all lacked a real story. But now, I see the reason behind these delays. It seems as if the universe wanted to show me a deeper and broader truth about treating the most vulnerable members of our society with dignity, respect and sensitivity. Continue reading 'Responding With Sensitivity'»
Principle Number 2: Feed With Love and Respect
Long before I knew I was pregnant with LF#5 (Loin Fruit Number Five), I’m pretty sure that T-Bird knew something was different. We had just moved into a new home, in a new city, and I figured T-Bird was seriously ramping up her nursing efforts in order to establish some of the security she was missing. Surely, it would pass soon enough. Then I assumed I had come down with the flu—crippling fatigue and all day nausea. T-Bird needed to nurse more to receive those healthy immunities. Surely, it would pass soon enough. Sir Hubby was at work more and more growing the business we had moved to a new city to support. T-Bird wanted to comfort nurse because she missed her daddy, or sensed the added stress I was under when he was away so much. Surely, it would pass soon enough.
It hasn’t passed. Continue reading 'Breastfeeding While Pregnant'»
Principle Number One: Prepare for Pregnancy, Birth and Parenting
“Look at this,” I mumble out of the corner of my mouth as I shove the white and purple plastic stick in Sir Hubby’s direction. The two younger kids are nearby and it is too soon to clue them in yet.
“Uh. What exactly am I looking at?” he replies, his tone already rising an octave. He senses danger.
“C’mon. Really?” I hiss. I know he has seen a pregnancy test before.
“No, no. I know what it is. I just don’t know what it says,” he confesses.
“It says oops.”
And so begins our journey towards meeting Loin Fruit Number Five, or LF#5 as we like to call the little critter. Of course our LF#5 is loved and wanted. LF#5 simply has shown up in our lives about three years too early for me and has forced me to confront some of my personal issues about responsibility and control. Our youngest, T-Bird, just turned one in March of this year…likely around the same time her little-sibling-to-be was undergoing some rapid cell division. This was, of course, right before I suddenly came down with a “mysterious flu-like illness” no one else seemed to have, which didn’t go away for about two months. Well, it hasn’t gone away even now that it is the middle of June. But at least now I know that I am not battling the flu. Continue reading 'Unexpected Pregnancy'»
This summer marks my 20th anniversary of parenting. Right this moment, my 4-month-old daughter is nursing in the sling strapped to my chest. My (almost) 14-year-old daughter is stomping noisily up the stairs in protest after having some kind of disagreement with her 5-year-old sister about the last dish of mac & cheese. My 19-year-old son is throwing a load of laundry into the washer. This is my life: a bit chaotic, a tad overwhelming, and completely filled with people I adore. I’m not sure if I accurately recall my life before I started my journey into parenthood two decades ago. Those childless years of my life must not have been very important to me since I have so many rich, vivid and love-filled memories of my life since then. I wouldn’t trade the life I have now, even if I could remember why I would want to. Each of my children has presented unique challenges, and have provided unparalleled joys. Continue reading 'Role Model Parenting'»
Staying Connected with Bug
I’m a parent educator. I’m a mom of four. I am an advocate for all things AP. I should be able to handle this. So, what the heck am I doing wrong? These are the thoughts running through my head at the grocery store the other day. The store is being remodeled. It is glaringly bright, noisy and busy. The aisles are a crazy maze of disorganization. I have little six month old T-Bird in a sling, while five year old Bug is doing her best to keep up with me, behave, and be curious. The inarticulate wonk wonk wonk of the store manager is blaring out of the announcement system and competing with the world’s most annoying Muzak. All of this is completely grinding on my very last nerve. Continue reading 'Whose Kid Was That?'»
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