"Your baby is so content! What is your secret?"
Parenting can bring out some pretty big emotions. Nothing kicks off a debate between adults quicker than the implication that YOUR/THEIR parenting philosophies might be half-baked…or wrong…or questionably legal…or safe. Say one of these words loudly at the mall, at your next family reunion, or at the office get-together: Circumcision. Co-sleeping. Breastfeeding. Spanking. Childbirth. These simple words can evoke so many different feelings depending on who you are talking to: Guilt. Pride. Jealousy. Regret. Joy.
But the feelings that I am trying to cultivate more in myself are: Empathy and Humility.
I recently watched the film Away We Go. Let me say first: I really loved it. Let me say secondly: I only knew the bare minimum about it, I had not read reviews or viewed any trailers for it. And finally, let me say: the scene about AP values really stung when I first saw it. Here is a clip from that scene. And another. Go ahead and watch them if you have not seen the film. Here is the trailer if you want to get an overview of the whole thing. I’ll wait.
The film depicted several families and several different parenting styles. There was the disrespectful family who seemed to believe that their children were deaf and dumb. There was the super-crunchy AP family. There was the open-arms adopt-a-lot-of-kids rainbow family. The single-parent family. It was very easy for Sir Hubby and I to scoff, guffaw, and feel superior when the disrespectful family was on the screen. What kind of jerks treat their kids like that! But there was an awkward silence in the room when the AP value family came on. Mostly it was quiet because Sir Hubby had fallen asleep. But also, because I could easily identify ALL of our AP values being depicted by these characters. At first, a sort of pride welled up in me…
Hooray for AP values being shown in a movie! Extended breastfeeding! Babywearing! Family bed! Doula’s! Yippeeee!
But then I realized that the film was not praising those choices, but depicting them as kinda crazy. Kinda over-the-top. Kinda awful. The pregnant couple shouts at the AP family, calls them horrible names, and finally flees the house.
Whoa. I start warming my fingers up to draft a strongly worded letter to the writers:
How dare you! Babywearing this! Family bed that! Baby-led breastfeeding this! Don’t you know that studies have shown that AP…
Wait a minute. THIS is what the writers of the film were making fun of! The passionately snobby caricature of AP parents. They were showing how non-AP parents are meant to feel when smug-AP parents berate them or humiliate them or shame them for not being superior enough to make the choice to AP immediately and instinctively. And maybe we don’t do it on purpose…but whenever we proclaim that our way is the best way– the ONLY way– if you want healthy kids, happy kids, gentle kids, smart kids, compassionate kids, then we have not turned someone on to AP…we have chased them away. They are fleeing the house just like the couple in the movie did. Continue reading 'Away We Go With Parenting!'»
Attachment Parenting, Babywearing, Balance, Breastfeeding, Childbirth, Co-Sleeping, Doula, Education, Family Life, Homebirth, Parenting In Public, Positive Discipline, Pregnancy, Respond With Sensitivity, VBAC
Sometimes it is best to just not ask too many questions...
An anvil?
We are not big on Christmas. First of all, we just don’t have the resources to pull it off. Secondly, while we celebrate the love of family, giving, kindness, etc… all of the time, we are not always in a position to mark a super special day of celebration on a calendar and stick to it. Sometimes, we have more to give to ourselves and to others in let’s say…the spring. We like being flexible about this sort of thing. And finally, without the religious part of the holiday it is just something we are not on board with value-wise. But we still do the occasional thing or two if we can afford it, and we feel like it adds to the love in our family, etc…
So, inevitably, every year we ask Bug what she would want to get from someone like Santa if Santa were so inclined to bring a present to our home. And every year she totally blows us away with her simple, heartfelt requests. One year she simply asked for a yo-yo. Another year, she requested a small wooden wind up toy. Last year, she wanted some nuts and bolts so she could pretend to put things together. How could we deny such humble gifts? So every year, she has received these simple things and treasures them. Continue reading 'All I Want for Christmas is…'»
 Suspicious about being out of the house so early and being offered toys instead of breakfast... |
 They gave her "Silly Juice" which made her all giggly and dopey. I hate to admit that it was adorable. |
 As promised, she will get to wake up in my arms...a zero trauma event for her |
 They did not insert the IV until after she was under...but she sure noticed it as soon as she came to! |
 A little swelling gives her a puffy pout |
 Poppa Larry reads T-Bird a story while she checks out her sore lip |
Homeschool Perk--Getting the playground all to ourselves!
Along with our unexpected pregnancy, we have also been gestating another new little life these past few months: the life of a homeschooling family (or maybe we are more technically an “unschooling” family).
As the back-to-school frenzy surrounded us here in our part of the country, our school year had already been in session for nearly a month. We didn’t have to buy a thing to get started. There were no uniforms to buy, no back-to-school haircuts, no competing with the mom next to me at The Big Box Store to get my hands on the very last purple glitter pencil box*
Let me tell you about our first day of homeschooling this year: Continue reading 'Why We Have Decided to Homeschool'»
Principle Number Three: Respond With Sensitivity. It seemed as if the universe was not willing to allow me to get this post completed on time. With strong opinions firmly in hand, I have sat down a dozen times to write this post…and nothing. Sure I have some drafts…some ramblings about babies, and how this pregnancy has confirmed and reinforced my feelings. But they all lacked a real story. But now, I see the reason behind these delays. It seems as if the universe wanted to show me a deeper and broader truth about treating the most vulnerable members of our society with dignity, respect and sensitivity. Continue reading 'Responding With Sensitivity'»
Attachment Parenting, Family Life, Feed With Love and Respect, Pregnancy, Prepare for Pregnancy, Respond With Sensitivity
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AP Under Stress, Attachment Parenting, Family Life, Karen Strange, LF#5, Pregnancy, Respond With Sensitivity, Sir Hubby
Staying Connected with Bug
I’m a parent educator. I’m a mom of four. I am an advocate for all things AP. I should be able to handle this. So, what the heck am I doing wrong? These are the thoughts running through my head at the grocery store the other day. The store is being remodeled. It is glaringly bright, noisy and busy. The aisles are a crazy maze of disorganization. I have little six month old T-Bird in a sling, while five year old Bug is doing her best to keep up with me, behave, and be curious. The inarticulate wonk wonk wonk of the store manager is blaring out of the announcement system and competing with the world’s most annoying Muzak. All of this is completely grinding on my very last nerve. Continue reading 'Whose Kid Was That?'»
Attachment Parenting, Babywearing, Family Life, Parenting In Public, Positive Discipline, Respond With Sensitivity
| AP Under Stress, Bug, Connection Parenting, Family Life, Handling Tantrums, Pam Leo, Public Parenting, Respond With Sensitivity, T-Bird
Our four year old, Bug, was a fairly hands-on big sister while I was pregnant with our most recent addition. She practiced for her sister’s arrival by singing Happy Birthday Tummy and You Are My Sunshine to my bulging abdomen on a daily basis. I was the recipient of numerous belly rubs, belly pats, belly raspberries, and even some elaborate belly painting. Bug excitedly participated in our visits with the midwife. We prepared her for our homebirth by reading books on the subject, showing her age-appropriate videos and photos of births and newborn babies, and having frank discussions about her concerns for my well-being. I allowed her to relax in the birthing pool with me at night before bed. We also did our best to prepare her for our Fifteen Day Babymoon— baby and I planned to remain in the room where I had given birth for 15 days in order to ease her transition into the world and to facilitate my recovery. What we hadn’t prepared for was Bug’s reaction to the shift in priorities once our new baby was here. Continue reading 'A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words'»
Attachment Parenting, Babywearing, Balance, Family Life, Prepare for Pregnancy, Respond With Sensitivity
| Balance, Bug, Family Life, Preparing for Pregnancy, Respond With Sensitivity, Siblings, T-Bird
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