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I just put in a print order for these and will have them available at the Doulas For All meeting at Borders on Tuesday June 29th. Donations of $1 per card will benefit Doulas For All! Great idea for adding to a baby shower card, or to keep in your diaper bag to present to a nursing duo, or to help educate…write to info@DoulasForAll.org or call 661-DOULAS-1 to get yours today!
When our babies first arrive we know what we should feed them. It is encoded right into the newborn-DNA to seek out the breast moments after birth. Our breasts are perfectly positioned on our bodies so that when we nourish our baby we hold them off of the cold, hard ground—close to our heart—within kissing distance—within focus-range for the newborn eye. Our milk delivers all of the vital nutrients that our tiny new babies need. When our baby needs more milk, our breasts simply produce more. Simple. Elegant. Efficient.
Nonetheless, even while in the depths of this blissful symbiotic relationship of supply and demand—ebb and flow—providing and consuming—we doubt ourselves. We worry. We question everything. We get sucked up into the drama. Is my baby getting enough? Is my latch correct? Am I balancing the needs of my baby and also of my body? Is it okay to nurse in public? How can I help my mother-in-law understand why this is important to me? How do I deal with criticism about how long I am nursing? Why do decent nursing bras cost so much?
Bug and Food...a complicated relationship!
Now, flash forward to solid foods. To cereal or not to cereal? Avocado or chickpeas? Will this cause food allergies? Does this have high fructose corn syrup in it? Does Red dye really matter? Is organic better than local? More questions. More doubts.
Add in a picky eater to this equation and now you have all of the questions about food mixed in with all of the challenges of discipline. Nothing sparks a power struggle faster than dealing with a crying, kicking, screaming kiddo who is starving but won’t eat what they have in front of them.
Now, add ALL of those problems on top of a child who has a sensory processing disorder or falls on the Aspergers spectrum somewhere. The smell of all but the most bland of foods is so over powering it can cause nausea. Food textures conjure up descriptive terms like sandpaper, fiberglass and slime. Seemingly perfectly reasonable food tastes odd—the mac & cheese tastes like soap— the eggs taste like metal– the yogurt tastes spicy. They only want one food. They can’t have that food and this food at the same meal. Single ingredient meals. No sauce. No spice. No blending. There are plenty of days when even the most patient and tolerant of parents just lose it (like me). Especially the days before you understand what your child is going through. It is easy to think that they are just being difficult, or stubborn, or manipulative. Especially with all of the voices of the Ghosts of Dinner Past from your own childhood whispering in your ear:
“You can’t leave the table until you have finished your veggies!”
“You’ll go to bed hungry!”
“Clean your plate!”
or everyone’s favorite; “There are starving children in <insert third-world country here> who would be grateful for this meal!”
“If you eat everything on your plate, we’ll go get ice-cream!”
“If you don’t eat this, we will NOT go get ice cream!”
“Seriously, we will NEVER get ice cream ever again. Ever.”
“Can you finish just three more bites?”
“How ’bout one more bite of the green stuff?”
I could fill a book with what all of that is probably doing to kids (someone already has, I am sure of it). I sure know that I have a horrible love/hate relationship with food, a body that doesn’t use food efficiently, and a taste for things that are, frankly, very unhealthy for me. But that is not today’s post. Today, I want to talk about Bug and the relationship between her food and her behaviors.
If you’ve ever spent any time with our family, you’ve probably shared a meal or a snack with us. (And in the case of a few select friends, you may have been the victim of Food Theft—an inexplicable phenomenon marked by the disappearance of all–not some—but ALL of your banana’s, strawberries, and apple’s while my children are visiting your home. You know who you are. I owe you some fruit). So, you may have suspected that it can be a little chaotic to feed a family as large and as diverse as ours. And that we don’t have a fortune to throw away on food each month. I am sure that it comes as no surprise that we put a lot of time and thought into what we eat, where we get it from, and what it costs. Buying food no one will eat, that doesn’t pack a nutritional punch, or that is too complicated to prepare is a waste of our time and resources. We find a lot of inspiration from our subscription to Vegetarian Times. We share recipes and ideas with friends and family. We are blessed to have a wide-variety of whole and organic food choices to work with. With that being said, however, we still have the seemingly never-ending frustration of finding ways to get Bug, our 6 year old, to eat healthy foods.
Bug is challenged by many of the symptoms of Sensory Processing Disorder, especially the ones concerning food and smells. Her symptoms cause her to be a picky eater. Her picky eating has probably caused some nutritional deficiencies. It is likely that her nutritional deficiencies are exasperating her symptoms. And ’round we go. We are hoping that her issues are as easy to fix as learning some new recipes and cutting out some common culprits in the food-behavior chain. We do eat fairly healthy compared to the folks Jamie Oliver is dealing with. But we still enjoy a box of donut holes on Sunday mornings once in awhile (hello deep fried junk). And there are still some colorful dyes and high fructose nastiness lingering around in a few of our dirty-little-secret snacks (The first ingredient in Cherry Twizzlers is HFCS…and that bright red color is not from a natural source, sorry to say) . But for the most part we enjoy plenty of whole grains, a variety of local vegetables, fresh herbs, organic fruit, and “from scratch” goodies.
I had told myself that we would give Bug until the age of 7 to see if her emotional and behavioral issues evened out when her development was a little more advanced and she ready for more complex learning situations. We decided to homeschool her because of these concerns. We are approaching 7 in just a few months, and Bug’s behaviors, although changing in complexity and specifics, have not really improved significantly. So now the serious phase begins and we are committing to cutting out those few lingering no-no’s…eliminate the HFCS for real. Say goodbye to dyes…even for special occasions. Embrace the fact that many children with behavioral issues are suffering from food allergies…like wheat, gluten, and corn. We are amping up her green foods, calcium, and good fats to flush out lingering toxins and heavy metals. We’ve done these things in the past, for a few weeks, or until we fell off the wagon, or until Halloween–whichever happened first. This time, I am hoping that we have reached a place where making these changes will be more compatible with our lifestyle then they were before. Everyday, we become more and more committed to making positive and healthy changes in our lives since Sir Hubby’s father became ill last summer. Not just in our food, but in the way that we think, the way we interact with the world around us, with the community we live in. But those are all posts for another day…
So, we begin our serious journey into better health for Bug today…and hopefully a healthier relationship for all of us!
Thanks for being patient with me while Sir Hubby and I executed our fab new makeover. I know that the white text on the black background was hard on the eyes…hope this new look saves your eyesight! Suggestions? Bugs to fix? Leave me a comment so I can read it and then ignore it for months! 
"Your baby is so content! What is your secret?"
Parenting can bring out some pretty big emotions. Nothing kicks off a debate between adults quicker than the implication that YOUR/THEIR parenting philosophies might be half-baked…or wrong…or questionably legal…or safe. Say one of these words loudly at the mall, at your next family reunion, or at the office get-together: Circumcision. Co-sleeping. Breastfeeding. Spanking. Childbirth. These simple words can evoke so many different feelings depending on who you are talking to: Guilt. Pride. Jealousy. Regret. Joy.
But the feelings that I am trying to cultivate more in myself are: Empathy and Humility.
I recently watched the film Away We Go. Let me say first: I really loved it. Let me say secondly: I only knew the bare minimum about it, I had not read reviews or viewed any trailers for it. And finally, let me say: the scene about AP values really stung when I first saw it. Here is a clip from that scene. And another. Go ahead and watch them if you have not seen the film. Here is the trailer if you want to get an overview of the whole thing. I’ll wait.
The film depicted several families and several different parenting styles. There was the disrespectful family who seemed to believe that their children were deaf and dumb. There was the super-crunchy AP family. There was the open-arms adopt-a-lot-of-kids rainbow family. The single-parent family. It was very easy for Sir Hubby and I to scoff, guffaw, and feel superior when the disrespectful family was on the screen. What kind of jerks treat their kids like that! But there was an awkward silence in the room when the AP value family came on. Mostly it was quiet because Sir Hubby had fallen asleep. But also, because I could easily identify ALL of our AP values being depicted by these characters. At first, a sort of pride welled up in me…
Hooray for AP values being shown in a movie! Extended breastfeeding! Babywearing! Family bed! Doula’s! Yippeeee!
But then I realized that the film was not praising those choices, but depicting them as kinda crazy. Kinda over-the-top. Kinda awful. The pregnant couple shouts at the AP family, calls them horrible names, and finally flees the house.
Whoa. I start warming my fingers up to draft a strongly worded letter to the writers:
How dare you! Babywearing this! Family bed that! Baby-led breastfeeding this! Don’t you know that studies have shown that AP…
Wait a minute. THIS is what the writers of the film were making fun of! The passionately snobby caricature of AP parents. They were showing how non-AP parents are meant to feel when smug-AP parents berate them or humiliate them or shame them for not being superior enough to make the choice to AP immediately and instinctively. And maybe we don’t do it on purpose…but whenever we proclaim that our way is the best way– the ONLY way– if you want healthy kids, happy kids, gentle kids, smart kids, compassionate kids, then we have not turned someone on to AP…we have chased them away. They are fleeing the house just like the couple in the movie did. Continue reading 'Away We Go With Parenting!'»
After having a pretty crappy week in which I did a lot of complaining about things that were not going well (post office debacle, too much snow, feverish toddlers, hubby’s who work too much, a belly that is still smooshy) I decided that what I needed was a bit of perspective. And here it is:
1) The Planet Wise Wet/Dry Bag does not suck!
2) The delivery guy from Hungry Howies did not suck!
3) The new coffee Sir Hubby bought did not suck!
4) The Vegetarian Times does not suck!
5) Thirsties diaper covers do not suck!
6) Home made ginger, lemon, sugar and olive oil body scrub does not suck! Continue reading '25 Things That Don’t Suck'»
Sometimes it is best to just not ask too many questions...
An anvil?
We are not big on Christmas. First of all, we just don’t have the resources to pull it off. Secondly, while we celebrate the love of family, giving, kindness, etc… all of the time, we are not always in a position to mark a super special day of celebration on a calendar and stick to it. Sometimes, we have more to give to ourselves and to others in let’s say…the spring. We like being flexible about this sort of thing. And finally, without the religious part of the holiday it is just something we are not on board with value-wise. But we still do the occasional thing or two if we can afford it, and we feel like it adds to the love in our family, etc…
So, inevitably, every year we ask Bug what she would want to get from someone like Santa if Santa were so inclined to bring a present to our home. And every year she totally blows us away with her simple, heartfelt requests. One year she simply asked for a yo-yo. Another year, she requested a small wooden wind up toy. Last year, she wanted some nuts and bolts so she could pretend to put things together. How could we deny such humble gifts? So every year, she has received these simple things and treasures them. Continue reading 'All I Want for Christmas is…'»
Following the Principles, Part 6 of a series of 8: As we enter the last few (days? weeks?) of our pregnancy with LF#5, I have to admit that one of my biggest, most gigantic fears about having two nurslings under the age of two is “how will I EVER find a sitter for two completely attached, nursing babies AND my high-needs 6 year old???” Not that we have a need to spend a ton of time away from our kids, but having the option for some time together every few months seems like a marriage saving idea!
In the past, with the wide age spacing of the older children, it was really never a big deal. Everyone was always happy to have the older, experienced “helper” tag along to provide invaluable care-giving advice: “Oh, that cry means she wants her blankie! or “By this time, Mom always puts her in the sling!” And even when Bug came along with her higher-needs personality, we had my parents nearby to help out when she was very tiny, and after we moved further away, she had her own personal favorite nanny to provide loving care when she was a toddler. When T-Bird arrived and I had to return to work much sooner than I would have liked, we got creative and rearranged our work schedule to ensure that either Sir Hubby or I could always take care of her (and yes, that’s our picture on page 189 of Attached at the Heart!)
Since moving away from my parents, our beloved nanny, and my flexible job, I have been a full-time homeschooler, stay-at-home-parent and very tired pregnant lady! But being at home has also allowed me to forge many wonderful friendships in our new hometown. I adore that we share so many of the same parenting values with our new circle of friends. But, like me, they also have very full lives and busy families. We can get together and have playgroups, and homeschool groups, and ladies nights…but leaving T-Bird with someone other than Sir Hubby or Big Sister Ella has not been territory that I have delved into yet. Continue reading 'Provide Consistent and Loving Care'»
Following The Principles: Part 5 of a series of 8: I did not expect the arrival of my first baby to create so much upheaval in my bedroom. There was no room for a “nursery” so by default we became co-sleepers. The room would have never won any awards for decorating to begin with, but after the baby it became a minefield of clothes, blankets, stuffed animals, toys, wipes, baby nail clippers, bulb syringes, diapers, and little mismatched baby socks.
My Dream Bedroom
After firstborn moved into his own room at about two and half years, we spent joyous hours creating HIS space with all of HIS favorite things. It was then that I made a vow to create a special place for me to relax and recharge. I fantasized about my ideal bedroom…my haven. I knew one day I would have the resources to make that happen! Continue reading 'Ensure Safe Sleep'»
Homeschool Perk--Getting the playground all to ourselves!
Along with our unexpected pregnancy, we have also been gestating another new little life these past few months: the life of a homeschooling family (or maybe we are more technically an “unschooling” family).
As the back-to-school frenzy surrounded us here in our part of the country, our school year had already been in session for nearly a month. We didn’t have to buy a thing to get started. There were no uniforms to buy, no back-to-school haircuts, no competing with the mom next to me at The Big Box Store to get my hands on the very last purple glitter pencil box*
Let me tell you about our first day of homeschooling this year: Continue reading 'Why We Have Decided to Homeschool'»
T-Bird takes life as it comes
When I enter the path, I can clearly see the goal. The center of the path. The object of the game. There it is! I head out confidently straight towards it. But the path suddenly veers to the left. I’m moving away from my goal. But my confidence is still high, my energy levels are still revved up, the memory of the goal being in my sights has not faded. Any disappointment is only temporary.
Soon the path curves back to the right, and although I am a bit further from the goal then when I started, it is clearly in sight again and the forward momentum of my ambition will have me claiming my reward in moments. Instead, the path cuts sharply away from the goal once again. It quickly twists and turns back and forth, one instant I am so close to my goal that one more simple step towards it will get me there. The path has other plans though. The turns come so rapidly that I have to slow my pace or risk becoming unbalanced. I barely move forward at all, but keep twisting back and forth. For a few moments, I lose my sense of direction–lose site of the goal– and focus instead on my bare feet on the smooth pavement of the path. Continue reading 'Lunch at the Labyrinth'»
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