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By justine, April 19, 2012 8:42 pm

By Kathryn.

Noah was born on February 25, 2012

My husband and I started trying to conceive shortly after getting married. We tried for several years, to no avail. Being very health conscious and into natural healing modalities, we decided to address this challenge by improving our diets & lifestyles, and I started doing regular acupuncture and taking herbs. Slowly but surely I started seeing changes in my cycles, and I felt like I was headed in the right direction. In 2010, we got pregnant twice but both pregnancies ended in miscarriages. It was very difficult emotionally, but deep down I knew that I was getting closer to our goal, my body was almost ready. The second miscarriage in November 2010 was especially difficult, as I went all the way to 13weeks before finding out it was a blighted ovum; there was no baby, just a big empty sac and a placenta. Thankfully I miscarried on my own without needing any kind of intervention. I was rocked to my core afterwards. For the first time, we decided to avoid conceiving for several months afterwards; I didn’t feel that I could deal with anything pregnancy related. In the spring of 2011, we bought 30 acres of land and started on the path of building our dream in the countryside. In May, as we were beginning to move to our new home, we decided to start trying again. That month, Noah was conceived, and my “due date” turned out to be my birthday, February 19^th. What a blessing!

Before this baby was ever conceived we knew that we would want to have our baby at home, in the most simple and natural setting possible. I also felt that I would like to have a water birth, as I love swimming and being in water; a waterbirth just seemed like a no brainer to me. I already knew many of the local midwives, and decided to work with a wonderful CNM named Jen. She was the midwife for one of my good friend’s birth almost 3 years ago, and I had been lucky enough to be there to witness a wonderful homebirth. So I already knew what Jen was like and knew I would trust her and feel comfortable with her. As an added bonus, one of my closest friends, Justine, had been apprenticing with Jen for a few months already, so I would be blessed to have them both there at the birth! From the start I felt very confident in my own abilities to give birth naturally and trusted my support team completely.

I had a fairly uneventful pregnancy, felt good the whole time, no major complaints. I spent a lot of time in the wilderness of our land, enjoyed the quiet peacefulness of the countryside and just felt as if everything was finally falling into place in our lives. Winter arrived and surprised us by being incredibly mild. I had been a little concerned about giving birth in a snowstorm, worried that the midwives might have a hard time making it in bad weather, as we live almost 1 hour outside of the city. But the weather remained warm, and snow rarely stayed on the ground for more than a day or two.

Around 37 weeks I started losing little pieces of mucus plug every day. Just after 38 weeks, I started experiencing daily prodromal labor. I would get 3-4 hours of Braxton-Hicks type contractions, mildly uncomfortable, but usually not enough to make me stop whatever I was doing. It would come and go, not regularly, and then slowly vanish. I didn’t mind too much, and Jen reminded me that everyone labored differently and that it sounded like my body was doing some of the work in advance. That sounded good to me! Almost every day I would get a few hours of these mild contractions, and around 40 weeks I started getting a little annoyed with them. Each day I would get hopeful that it would lead to something (especially on my birthday, I would have loved to share a birthday with my baby) but then it would fizzle out.

February 22nd, I woke up feeling “off”. I just didn’t feel like myself. My husband went to work, I was alone all day and felt so irritable for no reason! Everything annoyed me, I couldn’t stand the dog and cats, I felt grumpy and annoyed with the world. That night when my husband came home I had a meltdown, it felt like I had been holding so much in. I cried uncontrollably, feelings started flooding up from within and I realized I had never completely put my last miscarriage behind me. I cried for a while, I just let it all flow out, and talked to my husband about what I was feeling. I felt so much lighter afterward, like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. And later that evening, I suddenly felt as though baby had really shifted and had gotten lower. I noticed a big space at the top of my uterus, just below my ribs. Yes, baby had definitely dropped! I checked my cervix and could tell it was more effaced and dilated than the previous time I had checked. I was very excited, I knew real labor wouldn’t be very far off.

On the morning of February 24th, I called my mom in Canada to give her an update and let her know I was still waiting to give birth. We had a great conversation and she told me she would send me some labor vibes. I was having more prodromal labor while we talked but didn’t think much of it. Around 1pm, I stood up from sitting on the couch and felt a gush in my underwear, so I ran to the bathroom. I thought it was just more mucus, but soon realized more and more kept coming out – my water had broken!! I was very excited and called out to my husband from across the house; he was very excited too! I tried getting back up from the toilet to go about my day but more kept coming out. So I sat on the toilet for what seemed like forever, while fluid dripped out slowly. When I finally got up, I went into the living room and sat on the birthing ball, relaxing with some mild contractions. Suddenly the wind picked up outside and a hail storm came down out of nowhere! It really surprised me! I sat on my birthing ball, watching the hail come down on the land. It was beautiful, the wind was very strong. This sudden change in weather prompted me to look at the weather forecast because as of the day before, the predictions were of mild weather all weekend. But apparently, something had changed because now the weather forecast called for a snowstorm overnight!! Where did that come from? Somehow, deep down, I wasn’t surprised.. this baby would be born in a snowstorm after all!

Around 4pm I started getting a little more uncomfortable as the contractions got more regular. I had my husband fill up the birthing pool that was already set up in the living room, and then he called the midwives to let them know I was officially in labor. I got in the pool at 5:30pm, and the midwives arrived just after 6pm.

I really enjoyed laboring in the pool, it was very relaxing, and most of my labor was totally bearable, mildly uncomfortable, that’s all. I have always had very painful menstrual cramps and comparatively labor didn’t feel so bad, especially since I got a break every 2 or 3 minutes. I had expected to want to be left alone and to feel somewhat self-conscious during labor, but it turned out I really enjoyed having the midwives there, chatting between contractions. My husband and them took such good care of me, and they made sure the pool was nice and warm for me the whole time. I even told them at one point that I should give birth more often because I was really enjoying having 3 people taking care of me and just being 100% present for me.

I spent most of my time in the pool either laying back, or laying on my side. I could tell baby was still right anterior occiput, as he had been for the last several months, and even though I knew that was fine, I also knew that left anterior was a more ideal position for the baby to come down into the birth canal. So with that in mind I laid on my left side and asked the baby to please flip to the other side. A few contractions later, one of the midwives checked the heartbeat and we had to look all the way on the left side of the belly to find it; I felt my belly with both hands and realized the baby had indeed shifted! I was very excited about that.

Around 10pm, shortly after baby shifted to the left, contractions changed a little bit, and got stronger, in what I assume was me hitting transition. I could tell the baby had dropped a bit lower too and that I would be feeling pushy soon and I said so out loud. I was still relaxing and breathing deeply with each contraction when I suddenly felt an incredible wave of pleasure spread throughout my entire body; it very distinctly came up my spine and into my head. It felt so good, what was going on… wait a minute, I was having a powerful full body orgasm! It was such a profound feeling that I started quietly crying. I relaxed through the orgasm, partially in disbelief that it was happening, and as it spread to my extremities I started getting a tingly feeling, especially in my hands, and they started going numb. It was a very odd feeling, like powerful natural anesthesia flooding me. I told my husband and midwives that i was having the most amazing orgasm (I surprised myself in that moment even being comfortable sharing that) and I asked them to please massage my hands; the numbness kept getting stronger and my fingers were starting to curl into my hands and I couldn’t move them anymore, I had no control over it. Getting my hands massaged felt really good though and eventually helped the numbness disappear as the waves of the orgasm also faded away.

I continued to breathe and relax through each contraction and soon realized I was starting to bear down and be more vocal with each wave. I thought, awesome this baby will be out in no time now! But as the contractions came and went, I tried different positions and I started encouraging the pushing feeling. But I could tell it wasn’t working. I would feel down with each wave and could just tell that the baby’s head was not moving. I kept trying and trying for what seemed like an eternity. I was getting frustrated, and was starting to get really tired, I was falling asleep between contractions for a while. In our birth plan, I had asked that the midwifes not do internal exams unless it was necessary. At this point, I had been involuntarily pushing for several hours, so Jen offered to check me to see if baby was indeed ready to join us. I agreed, as I really wanted to know what was going on down there. Jen announced that I was fully dilated and completely effaced. But she commented that she noticed my pubic bone was quite prominent and that it might be more effective for me to try pushing upright/squatting. I could not imagine standing up at that point, I felt like I had little to no energy left, I just wanted to lay in the pool and push the baby out that way. I tried sitting and getting on my knees in the pool but that felt no different.

A relaxed in the pool for a few more contractions, as I prepared myself mentally for the hard work ahead, and I eventually got out of the pool, and went to the bathroom. I felt like I needed to have a bowel movement and that if I did I would be able to push more effectively. But sitting on the toilet was extremely uncomfortable and I soon gave up on that. I came back into the living room and the midwives suggested I try pushing laying on my side. So I laid down on the couch, and Jen held up my right leg to help open up my pelvis. That was unbearably painful and as soon as that first contraction was over I told her, “No way”. She reminded me again that squatting would probably work, that I could stand up and then squat down when the wave started. I gathered all my strength and I eventually stood up. My husband sat down on a chair facing me and as soon as that contraction started rolling in, I squatted down in front of him, leaning into him as he held me. I started to roar like a lioness, I couldn’t help it and it felt so good to just be as loud as I needed to be! And with that first contraction I decided baby was coming out no matter what. I pushed very hard, with every once of strength I had left. The contraction was very intense, and I felt a strong burning sensation; I thought, “Ah this must be the ‘ring of fire’ I had heard about”. Suddenly Justine said, “Kathryn the head is out!” I couldn’t believe it, I reached down and there was a baby head! When I felt his little head, I just couldn’t wait for the next contraction, I kept pushing with all my might, screaming at the top of my lungs, and the rest of his body came out a few seconds later. It was 3:22am.

Justine gently guided him the few inches to the floor with the bare minimum of touching. I was still squatting and couldn’t see him, so I asked if everything was okay, and Justine said, “Take your time, everything is fine, he or she is breathing and is doing just fine”. I was very touched that she did not announce the sex of the baby, as we had asked that either my husband or myself be the ones to announce the sex. I took a few deep breaths, and with some assistance I leaned back and sat down, on the floor with the baby between my legs. There was blood everywhere and the baby was covered in blood, yet he was laying there calmly, silently. I looked at my beautiful baby and saw a penis; “you’re a boy!”, I exclaimed! I couldn’t believe it was a little boy! I had really become convinced that I was carrying a girl, even though my husband had been telling me for weeks that it was a boy. I picked him up onto my chest in complete awe…I was the first person to hold him… and my husband came and sat next to me, crying his eyes out. Our little boy was absolutely perfect.

I went back into the pool with Noah and gently washed off the blood from both of us. He stayed calm the whole time, I think he enjoyed being in the water, as did I. It was calming and I was in a bubble of bliss. His cord remained attached the whole time we were in the pool together. But after about 45 minutes, the placenta had not come out on its own. By that point the cord had stopped pulsing, and my attempts at pushing out the placenta, even while providing some guidance for the cord were unsuccessful. So Ian cut the cord and took Noah for some skin-to-skin daddy time. I tried pushing and pushing, and nothing was budging. Jen suggested that I come out of the pool and squat to push it out. Not again!! Really? I had to go through that again? I reluctantly got out of the pool and Justine felt my abdomen to make sure the placenta was detached and ready to come out. Justine could feel the placenta was waiting right inside; I just had to push it out. I squatted and she guided the cord toward my back to help me feel the right place to push. Ouch! That was more uncomfortable than I would have imagined! Out came the placenta, and it was huge! No wonder it wasn’t easy to push out. Justine examined it and placed it in the fridge, as I had planned to dehydrate it and encapsulate it.

I did end up tearing from the birth and it was bad enough that I needed a few stitches. I was very frustrated about that and I couldn’t help but wonder if I could have breathed the baby down more gently, gone slower and avoided tearing.. but I will never know. Pushing him out in one powerful push was what felt right at the time, and I can’t turn back time.

After getting stitched up in the bedroom, Ian Noah and I snuggled into the bed and I nursed Noah for the first time. He latched on right away like a champ, what an incredible feeling! It felt so right, so natural, having him snuggled against my chest. I was over the moon with love and happiness, and already, the last 12h of laboring and my exhaustion seemed to melt away and none of it mattered anymore; my baby was finally in my arms. We eventually weighed and measured Noah and found out he was a healthy 8lbs 9oz and 21inches! Wow, what a healthy baby boy! I was one proud mama; proud of myself for having just gone through such a powerful and intense experience, and so proud of my beautiful son.

I didn’t sleep that night, I just held Noah next to me in bed, nursed him and looked at him. I was speechless. I was finally a mother.

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By justine, March 1, 2012 3:21 pm

Bug Cooks a Healthy Dinner for the Family

I have been getting a ton of questions about toddler behavior, household chores, and picky eating lately. I have one answer for all three: Kids WANT to do what we do. But how does that work exactly? What on earth do I mean? How can doing what we do change the behavior of toddlers and children?

Let’s start at the beginning: I encourage babywearing right from the start. Not only because it facilitates successful breastfeeding, regulates infant body functions, provides neurological benefits, makes parents’ lives easier or because slings and wraps and mei tai’s are so beautiful and cool…but because it is the child’s first classroom.

So many parents spend their day doing little else but playing with the baby (or toddler, or both) We have been lead to believe that this sort of constant intellectual and educational stimulation provides myriad benefits for our kids and will make them smarter, more capable, and happier. And we have all been told that Play IS the Work of Childhood. I agree…but more on that later. Additionally, a great deal of effort is spent each day to get our little people down for a nap so that parents can finally get some work done. However, we do a great disservice to our children and ourselves when we scurry about during nap time doing the work of running a household. Instead, nap time (if you are fortunate enough to still have a napper!) should be spent resting or replenishing our own batteries; reading, writing, connecting with friends, stalking around on Pinterest, taking a shower, or (gasp) even snuggling up for a nap with our little ones! Or for those of us who have been fortunate enough to earn income while being at home with our children, perhaps we can make those last few phone calls in silence, finish up our online banking, or crank out a few more listings for our Etsy shop. Teaching our children (of any age) that magic fairies come in while they are asleep/out of the house and transform our homes and work spaces into clean, functional areas is not helping them to be engaged, aware, and responsible household members when they get older and we DO want their help. Additionally, we don’t do any them any favors when we constantly martyr ourselves and complain about our workload. Joyfully engaging in the work we participate in will encourage others to enthusiastically join in. I highly recommend checking out Radical Ideas About Chores to get some ideas of what I am aiming at here.

Instead, include your baby and toddler in the running of a household. They WANT to do what we do. Instead of setting up an Us vs Them situation in our households, we need to expose our children to what we do on a daily basis. Modeling the work of the day…whether that is household, school work, or earning income while at home… provides them with the connection they are craving from you. Talk to your child while you go about your routine. Explain what you are doing, why, how it makes you feel, how you learned to do it, what the alternatives are, what tools you need to do it, etc… *(see note below)

Jean Liedloff, Author of The Continuum Concept, sums up this idea succinctly in her article entitled Who’s In Control:

…because a toddler wants to learn what his people do, he expects to be able to center his attention on an adult who is centered on her own business. An adult who stops whatever she is doing and tries to ascertain what her child wants her to do is short-circuiting this expectation. Just as significantly, she appears to the tot not to know how to behave, to be lacking in confidence and, even more alarmingly, looking for guidance from him, a two or three year old who is relying on her to be calm, competent, and sure of herself. A toddler’s fairly predictable reaction to parental uncertainty is to push his parents even further off-balance, testing for a place where they will stand firm and thus allay his anxiety about who is in charge.

I certainly don’t want this to sound like it is direct conflict with Attachment Parenting principles–it is not. It is perfectly in line with AP and instills a great deal of trust and confidence in children. Liedloff is not advocating for ignoring the needs of a child in leui of completing adult work.  In her work with the Yequana tribe of South America, she observes a lack of  terrible twos, tantrums, selfishness, destructiveness, and recklessness that we call normal toddler behavior here in the Western world.  Equally, she does not find the adults to be nagging, constantly disciplining, or creating endless boundaries for toddlers. There did not seem to be an adversarial relationship between parent and child. Her conclusion? That being held and worn frequently by an adult who was simply going about adult business taught children from the earliest of ages about how to act and behave confidently in the culture. Whatever your adult business of the day may be: including your baby and children in those activities is what will help them become happy, confident, adaptable and pleasant young people and members of society. It will reduce uncertainly, anxiety, and undesirable behviors without constantly relying on discipline techniques.

That might seem doable for a remote tribe of South American’s, but what about modern, busy Western families? How can we apply these ideals to our fast-paced and complex lives?

When our babies were small, they were included in the running of the household and wage-earning activities via babywearing. Snuggled under a chin, they were rocked to sleep by the rythyms of and sounds of vacuuming, running water, the tapping of computer keys and work-related activities. As they became more mobile, they were invited to help us do our work side by side at home and at the office when applicable. By two years old we expect that they will (with supervision and guidance as needed) voluntarily and enthusiastically pitch in for straightening up the house, making beds, folding laundry, mopping floors, wiping off surfaces, dusting, setting the table, feeding the pets, and loading and unloading the dishwasher. By 4 we see them cheerfully helping to use various tools to assist in minor household repairs, lawn maintenance, and yard clean up. After that, we really do not limit the types of activities that they can engage in with supervision: preparing meals, running the household appliances as needed, using household cleaners (all the more important to make sure you are only using safe, non-toxic cleaning alternatives in your home and office! For a green alternative cleaning service here in Erie contact Sarah at Mother Earth’s Keeper)

But what about forcing your kids to work all day long? The last time I checked, there were laws against child slavery, right? Obviously, we don’t use or treat our children as slaves who must do our bidding without question. However, we do not provide special rewards for doing work that is essential to the running of our household. If a family member chooses to take on a responsibility that is not expected, or is asked to help out in ways that are not required, but would be nice, we compensate them. When my 17 year old watches the younger siblings for a special event or a night out for Sir Hubby and I, we consider that to be above and beyond the normal work of the household. When our 8 year old offers to clean out the van as a special favor to us, we reward her with a special outing. The part that so many people forget though is that they WANT to do what we do! We don’t use chore charts or allowances or stickers or rewards. They clamor to get in on the action of unloading the dishwasher. The elbow each other out the way to be the one who gets to pull the comforter up on the bed. They turn the work of the home into the games they play. They set up obstacle courses, assembly lines, and elaborate fantasy scenarios to accompany the work they do. They run from imaginary crocodiles snapping at their heels on the way to feed the dog. They jump over dangerous lava flows to make it to the laundry room. They also take frequent breaks. Sometimes they even ask if we can handle a task on our own while they do something they want to do. They delegate and negotiate just like adults do sometimes. I often tell Sir Hubby that I am just not up to a specific task and would like to trade. Or we negotiate terms so that everyone gets their needs met. The expectation is that the work will get accomplished with team work and that we are all part of the team. We also have realistic expectations of what the needs of our household are. We do not live in splendor. We do not live a museum. We are happy to accept a less sparkling house in trade for eliminating the conflicts and battles that usually accompany “chores”.

But what about kids being kids? What about Play BEING the Work of Kids? Of course they still spend a great deal of time doing the more widely acceptable work of children: playing.  They play outdoors, with toys, with one another, with other children. We go to the Children’s Museum, they ride bikes, they pick flowers, they dig in the dirt, they climb trees, they draw pictures, they read books, and they put on puppet shows. But the work of the adults is not cloistered away behind a private office door (unless we are on the phone, or at our respective out of the home offices) like Ward Cleaver (I mean, what they hell did he do all day? Who knows!) We strike a balance of meeting our adult-orientated work goals, allowing the children to engage in age appropriate activities that they create while also exposing them to the realities of daily work.

But how does this translate into other toddler and child behaviors like food wars and undesirable attitudes?

Food Wars: They have seen us preparing, eating, and enjoying healthy meals since their earliest of days as part of the work of our home. While they are still exclusively breastfeeding and all of their needs are being met with human milk, they observe us enjoying food and sometimes offering it to them without a lot of expectation about whether they eat it or not. This creates a low pressure situation for kids. Any food in the house that they choose to say yes to is a healthy food: we simply do not buy or make junk food to have to say no to. As for nutrition: no child has ever voluntarily starved themselves to death. They have no socially-driven body image hang-ups, nor do they have a political agenda to hunger strike about. And remember: they WANT to do what we do! They will eat food that they see trusted, reliable, loving adults sharing and enjoying in their presence. Offer very small portions, invite them to the table (not to eat, necessarily, just to sit with the family) and enjoy your meal and the wonderful company you are in. Allow them to eat or not without any comment, judgment or expectations. Dr Sears shares some tips here. Does this mean that my kids eat everything we put in front of them? Oh god, no. But we don’t sweat it and we don’t fight about it. My 23 year old and 17 year old eat JUST FINE. They can use a fork AND a knife. They can sit at a table for a whole meal. They even chew with their mouths closed. Forcing them to do it at 3 was not going to ensure that they grew up to do it: it would have only caused fights, stress, and power struggles about meal time. I have the long term goal in mind. Our kids will be just fine on whatever healthy food they manage to sneak in. Again, remember the key is to NOT have junk around for them to make a poor choice with when they do get around to eating.

Terrible Two’s: As for toddler behaviors like tantrums, saying *NO*, and not wanting to be cooperative: the key is not necessarily finding a way to handle the behaviors, but preventing them from starting as much as possible. When we keep our babies close, allow them into our world, show them that they are in the care of competent, engaged, aware, present, and happy adults, they feel little anxiety about our ability to care for them, meet their needs, and keep them safe. Check out Janet Lansbury’s article on toddler discipline for a glimpse into your toddlers brain and why this matters. As they get older and gain confidence by participating in the adult work around them, they feel proud of themselves and their own abilities WITHOUT having to hear it from us. I never say “Good Job!” to my children. Ever. I simply state facts: “You completed that task so quickly!” or “You were able to do that with no help!” or “Helping your sister with her work must have made her feel loved.” Then they own their proud feelings instead of looking to adults to confirm whether they should be proud of themselves or not. The most rewarding thing I ever get to see as a mom is my kids shouting with glee and clapping their hands with pride after they have done something…and they never even look at me to see if I saw them do it.

Be sure to pick up copies of The Continuum Concept, Connection Parenting, and Child Honouring to get a deeper look into the concepts I am talking about.

* I use the terms parent and family to also include hired or volunteer care-providers. Even if parents must earn wages outside of the home, loving, dedicated and competent care providers should be providing these valuable experiences for babies whenever possible. These techniques are not the privilege of families affluent enough to have a stay at home parent—this is a workable model for any person who cares for infants.

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By justine, February 3, 2012 2:02 pm

It would be an understatement to say that I love this book. This is one of the most comprehensive texts on ALL of the principles of attachment parenting by the founders of Attachment Parenting International; Barbara Nicholson and Lysa Parker.

Attached at the Heart researches the eight main principles of Attachment Parenting (AP) in depth:

• Preparing yourself for pregnancy, birth and parenting
• Feeding with love and respect
• Responding with sensitivity
• Using nurturing touch
• Ensuring safe sleep physically and emotionally
• Providing consistent, loving care
• Practicing positive discipline
• Striving for balance in your personal and family life

There are very few books that I insist parents have in their personal libraries: this is one I wish I could buy in bulk and hand out everywhere I go. I feel so strongly about this that I am GIVING AWAY a copy of this incredible book to one lucky family in the month of February as a special Valentine’s Gift! To enter do ALL of the FOLLOWING:

1. LIKE State of the Heart Parenting on Facebook (already being a liker counts!)
2. Tag State of the Heart Parenting in a post on your own page talking about how one of the principles of AP has–or will–made you a more conscious parent.
3. Don’t have Facebook? Leave me a comment under this post about how your child has blossomed or grown through AP…or how you hope they will in the future.

*Updated on February 14th: I used Random.org to choose a winner from all eligible entries. The final winners are Ashley & Jay who are expecting a baby soon! Congrats to them! I know they will LOVE having this book in their parenting toolbox!

Attached at the Heart: 8 Proven Parenting Principles for Raising Connected and Compassionate Children

“The key to successful parenting is not found in complex theories, elaborate family rules, or convoluted formulas for behavior. It is based on your deepest feelings of love and affection for your child, and is demonstrated simply through empathy and understanding. Good parenting begins in your heart, and then continues on a moment-to-moment basis by engaging your children when feelings run high, when they are sad, angry, or scared. The heart of parenting is being there in a particular way when it really counts.” John Gottman, PhD Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child (My second favorite quote from the book.)

In today’s fast-paced materialistic world, where every new parent is bombared with all the ‘essentials’ they must have for their baby, and where there are a seemingly limitless number of baby books and ideas on childrearing; it is extremely easy to forgot the most important parenting ingredient: a loving relationship with the child.

The main focus of the book though, is on building a strong relationship with your child above all else. This begins right at birth, if not before. This book gives you all the research and evidence you will need in order to follow your own parenting instincts, instead of the advice easily sprouted by friends, family, and even some professionals, that often goes against your gut instinct.

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By justine, October 17, 2011 2:18 pm

Momma Sarah keeps Eben close as they explore the shores of Lake Erie together in their Sleepy Wrap.

If you are pregnant and you happen to know me, then the chances are pretty high that we have already had this conversation. Babywearing will change your life. It will rock the foundations of what you imagined parenthood was going to be like. If this is the first baby that you have decided to wear, you will be able to join the ranks of mothers who cry to the heavens: I wish I had one of these with my other babies!

I have written numerous times about my own experiences with babywearing: about how to do it safely; how it keeps our babies happier; how it allowed me to keep my baby at the office with me when I had to return to work. I figured it was time to hear from some of the families I know or have worked with about the unique ways babywearing has impacted their lives and provided a world of possibilites for parenting:

The sleepy wrap was a wonderful way to have my mom and sister bond with Eben.   All my mom talked about was how she couldn’t wait to put him in a stroller and go for a walk.  I explained to her that the only way she was going  for a walk was if she put him in the sleepy wrap.  She was reluctant at first but once I helped her put it on, she fell in love all over again.  She raved about how wonderful it was to have him so close listening to her heart beat while they enjoyed a nice walk. A wonderful connection for the both of them. ~Sarah

The Sleepy Wrap is great device! One that lets you hold your child and accomplish a multitude of tasks… such as washing dishes or playing guitar. I believe every family would benefit from having and using one ~Bret

It did not feel natural to place him in any sort of baby contraption.   All of the STUFF I thought I would need went unused;  the crib  turned into a nice big laundry basket! And newborn clothes? Who needs those when baby is kept warm and snug close to your heart! ~Sarah

My aha moment came when I realized how silly it is to push a tiny 9 pound child in a 30 pound stroller/car seat combo…through a crowded room. People are much nicer about moving when the baby attached to you. I also learned that nothing soothes a colic-y baby like a good snuggle in my wrap. Peace, love, and babywearing. ~Erika

My son who had reflux finally fell asleep after a feed (upright in our new-to-us ring sling) and I could actually go do the dishes instead of having to lay on the sofa while he slept on me. He was 4 months old at that point. ~Nichol

I had tried it when my first was born, but didn’t have the knowledge and support to follow through. When my second was born it took me a few weeks to remember my ring sling in the closet. I took it out and took the time to get it right. I could play with my 2 year old without neglecting the baby. This is how it was supposed to be. Also when I was able to put baby on my back in a woven wrap and do laundry, I felt productive again! I am now a member of the local Babywearing International! ~Heather

Hottie McDaddy keeps this baby warm in the Peekaru!

Camille McConnell, a local Sleepy Wrap retailer here in Erie, was kind enough to provide State of the Heart with a beautiful Sleepy Wrap so that I have it on hand to share with families, let them try before they buy, and to give them a sneak peek at the world of possibilities that babywearing will open to their family! Hold the presses! There is some big news in Sleepy Wrap world: they are now called Boba Wraps… same wonderful wrap, different name!

But wait! That is not all: Camille also provided us with a Peekaru to test drive just in time for a brisk northwestern Pennsylvania autumn and winter! What is a Peekaru you ask? It is a fleece vest that zips over a soft baby carrier to keep you and your child warm. It fits comfortably over all carriers, including Hotslings, Ergos, BabyHawks, Mei Tais, and Boba Wraps. So, there are no more excuses for not wearing your baby in every type of weather!

Want to try both of these amazing products and many more? Join State of the Heart, from 7-9 pm on Wednesday October 26th at Caring For Women Midwifery in Sherman NY to participate in a Babywearing Workshop! We will have local retailers, like Camille from Boba Wrap and Mel of Mel’s Colorful Creations with plenty of wraps, slings, peekaru’s, and babywearing know-how on hand to get you off to the best possible start with Babywearing!

Comments (7)

By justine, July 9, 2011 2:57 pm

We get our raw milk from a local source: it comes from Pot of Gold Dairy in Bear Lake PA and we purchase it at Duran's Farm in Waterford PA.

(and it’s okay if you are not cool with it…we still think you are probably a lovely person anyway. Just give us the same courtesy, mmmkay?) Farmers like Edwin Shank and his family know the importance of whole, living food and chose to consume raw milk products despite dire warning from “agencies” and “experts” that doing so may be hazardous. Shank, his family, and many more Americans are learning to “embrace living, whole foods, full of immunity-building probiotic bacteria and nutrient-absorbing living enzymes.” A healthy immune system is the backbone of our overall health. Having the ability to fight off and recover from germs, bacteria, viruses and other creepy crawlies on our own is what our bodies are designed to do. Shank states that raw milk is “full of unadulterated, unprocessed, unmessed-with, cell-nourishing, cell-repairing raw fats and proteins.” He also points out that a “bulletproof immunity is our only protection against the pathogens of our environment.”

Yet, we interfere in the creation of a bulletproof immune system in almost every aspect of our lives. When our bodies are weak from a lifetime of being protected from every germ, we are susceptible to even trace amounts of bacteria in our food and water supply. Birthing in sterile environments reduces our exposure to our mothers natural bacteria colonies and has far reaching consequences for our long term gut health. Artificial infant feeding methods weaken our immune systems as we grow. Consuming dead, sterile, and overly processed food contributes little nutrition to growing humans. Our bodies are starving for real food and many of us are too weak to fight off even the most common allergens in our world like dust, grass and pet dander.

Many people are concerned about about the risks of contamination that may be present in raw dairy products. However, bacteria is not the enemy, our weakened immune systems are. Shank points out several analogies in his article which illustrate the common “risks” we take everyday because the benefits are such a boon to our standard of living. We don’t eradicate these activities from our lives, we simply try to engage in them as safely as possible. Of course, raw milk may contain pathogens which could cause illness in a person with a weakened immune system. However, as recent “outbreaks” of foodborne illnesses (and even death) have proven, so do allegedly “safe” foods that people commonly consume from grocery stores, restaurants, and other FDA approved sources: peanut butter, ground beef, spinach, and even pasteurized milk. We believe that the benefits of consuming raw foods outweigh the risk for my family. We are healthier, stronger, and suffer from fewer allergies and illnesses than we did before.

We cannot keep ignoring the core issue: we need to restore good health to our population and make every attempt to bring babies into the world with their natural immune responses working optimally instead of creating more and more elaborate band-aids to cover up the problem. Pasteurization and other modern big-business farming methods— such as anti-biotic and hormone use— are only necessary when we have a chronically ill population consuming these products. Healthy individuals have the ability to become stronger from naturally occurring bacteria and need little help from modern science or technology to do it.

How can chronically ill mothers be expected to give birth to babies with anything except even weaker immune systems? Ideally, we would restore balance to our health before conceiving our children, but as a mother to five and as a birth worker, I know that the reality of family planning is often complicated and unpredictable. It is imperative for all expectant mothers to begin consuming living, unprocessed, unaltered food to restore optimal gut health and to rebuild their immunity before they give birth. While raw milk may not be the solution for every family, recognizing the lessons that farmers like Mr Shank already know can inform our choices when growing a new little life and a brand new immune system.

What does your family do to promote optimal gut health and strengthen your immune system?

The Truth About Raw Milk: Common Sense about Raw Milk from a Raw Milk Dairy Farmer by Edwin Shank from Pathways to Family Wellness: Winter 2010, Issue 28. Pages 26-29.

Comments (3)

By justine, July 2, 2011 1:58 pm

July Sling Giveaway!

Lady bugs! Adorable and so perfect for summer! Mel from Mel’s Colorful Creations has outdone herself again. This bright and adorable sling also comes with a reversible vintage-style bucket hat to keep little faces and cue-ball noggins protected from the sun. Reversible side is red. I am going to let the pictures do the talking this time…this is a sling you DON’T want to miss out on!

So what do you need to do to enter to win this amazing sling? Great question! Follow these three easy steps:

1) Like State of the Heart Parenting on facebook and tag us in a post on your wall with a FACT about the benefits of babywearing (and a link to your source if you want!) Read through the responses so that you can post a unique fact–the whole point is to educate and raise awareness, so I want as many different babywearing facts as possible posted on facebook!

2) Post this giveaway on your facebook page and invite your friends to enter to win.

3) Leave a comment below letting me know that you have done these two things (and go ahead and repeat your fact if you like in your comment!)

That’s it! Help educate yourself and others about the benefits of babywearing and you will be entered to win this beautiful sling!

Contest is now closed. Winner will be announced within 24 hours.

Comments (0)

By justine, June 24, 2011 11:45 am

Today, I am sharing a letter that I received after Mathilda was born in 2008 from my friend Val. When I began my journey as a doula, an advocate of family-friendly maternity care, and more recently as a student midwife, I remember having the feeling that I was healing something inside of myself– and certainly– this factored heavily into my career choices. But more important than my emotional well-being, was my sincere desire to spare just one person the harm that I had endured from an indifferent maternity care system. My first website, JulianArts, was a basic “here are my services as a doula” page and it morphed into a blog of sorts, and a place for me to post things that peaked my interests, captured my imagination, and irritated the hell out of me. At the time, I wasn’t aware that I was also providing something very personal to my readers. Of course, that site evolved into the one you are reading now. The power of words hadn’t fully revealed itself to me when I began this journey. I thought that the real work of supporting and empowering women had to come from hands-on work. Being there for women. Holding their hands. Rubbing their backs. Encouraging them when their faith was waning. Crying with them. Sharing their joy when they meet their baby.

But this letter moved me in so many ways and made me realize that the power of sharing our stories really can make a difference. I felt such joy at hearing that a smart, beautiful, talented girl like my friend was going to put so much thought into having babies–how lucky for that baby! I felt such pride at knowing that I may have even a small part to play in her future commitment to empowered parenthood. No matter what choices she does make, I know that there will be a happy momma and a happy baby at the end of her journey.

Her letters’ subject was “Thank You” but is me who needs to express gratitude for the blessings this letter has brought; a renewed enthusiasm for my calling as a advocate for mommas and babies; validation that my work is not in vain; the knowledge that one person CAN make a difference in the world. I share these blessings with my daughters and know that we are well on our way to a brighter future for all families.

Justine,
I just wanted to let you know that, though I am not planning on having children for a few years, I am truly inspired by what you represent. I come from a large, Irish Catholic family, full of women who have birthed in hospitals with unnecessary C-sections, inducements, stitches and scars. As I get older and closer to marriage and children of my own, I have often wondered if I would have to endure the same when it is my time to bring a new life into the world. Having seen your profile and the JulianArts website, I now understand and am happy to know that there are options when I decide it is time. It is comforting to know and learn about doulas and other birthing experiences, such as the water birth you have described, that seem more fitting, natural and beautiful in order to welcome a baby into the world. I think it is wonderful that you share your experiences so that other women, such as myself, can learn about better options for birthing, and I wanted to thank you for doing so. Though I still have at least 2 years before planning children of my own, birth and babies are things which I have been surrounded by all my life (as the oldest in my generation of the family). These are things I have recently started to think about so that, when the time comes, I am well informed and have a great idea of the experience I would like to have as a new mommy. So, Justine, thank you again for the experiences and information you share. I know that, in time, all of this will mean even more to me as I begin my journey of hopefully beautiful pregnancies and to welcome children of my own into the world. Congratulations, again, on the new beautiful girl in your life! xo Val

The best part of this letter is that this beautiful young lady has now married and is halfway through her first pregnancy. She is telling her story and sharing her journey at This Whole Mommy Thing and I my heart could not be more full of joy for her and her family.

Comments (0)

By justine, June 15, 2011 9:09 pm

What Babies Want

Earlier today, I watched a You Tube video that Gloria Lemay had posted on her facebook wall. I won’t link to it here just because it was so horrific. If you want to cry and feel sick to your stomach, just type “normal birth” into any search engine and I am certain you will find 1000’s just like it.  The video was entitled “Normal Birth” but it was anything BUT normal to those who have seen how beautiful and gentle birth CAN and SHOULD be. However, sadly, it was certainly a “Typical Birth” for the majority of women and babies in the world. Typical in that the mother was in stirrups, lying flat on her back and was given a generous episiotomy for no good reason. The medical practitioner who was “delivering” the baby was using tremendous force to yank the baby out of the mother’s body; twisting and wrenching the baby side-to-side while palming the entire head. The baby was instantly whisked away into another room– screaming and terrified— then brutally gagged and choked in an effort to suction mucous out of his throat. Thankfully the video ended there…but the parents in the video were thrilled with the outcome of their birthing experience; they were so thrilled that they shared the video with the whole world. The medical staff seemed to be enjoying a “typical day at the office” as they abused a newborn baby with useless, invasive and potentially dangerous routine procedures.

How can we be surprised that our world is full of fearful, hateful, and violent people when we sanction violence and abuse of our newly born? Born in pain. Born in terror. We are reaping what we sow. Are we really blind to the correlation?

There is a better way though. People like Michel Odent, David Chamberlain, Karen Strange and Debby Takikawa are combining research with their professional experiences in the pregnancy and birth field to change the way we think about our tiniest and newest humans.

I care so much about reaching everyone with the messages of these pioneers in infant and maternal health that I am giving away a copy of the DVD What Babies Want. In this beautiful documentary by Debby Takikawa, you will learn what it is that babies really want and need to begin their earth-side journey as whole and healthy human beings.

To enter to win this DVD, simply LIKE State of the Heart Parenting on Facebook and ask your pregnancy, birth and baby loving friends to LIKE us, too. As soon as we hit 250 LIKES I will draw a winner from all of the LIKERS on our Facebook page.

7/18/11: We have reached 250! I am so happy to be sharing this DVD with one of you!

Comments (1)

By justine, June 1, 2011 6:31 pm

Slowing Down For Spring

I have just begun to read Child Honouring: How to Turn This World Around with a foreword by the Dalai Lama and edited by Raffi Cavoukian. It could not have arrived at a more auspicious moment in my life. I was brainstorming ideas for an online parenting class which would convey the complex and emotional work that goes hand-in-hand with connected, conscious, attached parenting philosophies. I have found what I was searching for. The covenants for honouring children include principles that are near and dear to my heart as a parent and birth worker; the covenants inspire us to respect children by engaging in conscious parenting, engaging in activities at every level of our lives that reflect stewardship for our children and our planet, and “organizing society around the priorities and needs of its youngest members.” As I delve further into the concepts I will undoubtedly have more to say. But in the meantime, I just wrote a guest post about Slow Parenting and our transition from winter learning to spring exploration over at Becoming Crunchy which addresses many of these same issues. Be sure to head over there and check it out!

Comments (15)

By justine, May 31, 2011 11:02 am

Spring Fling Ring Sling!

My beautiful friend and sister momma-homebirthing junkie, Mel, has generously donated one of her most stunning creations to-date; she has lovingly made a beautiful handmade ring sling and one of YOU will get to wear a baby in it!

The benefits of babywearing are so numerous that I cannot possibly post them all in one sitting. But here are a few of my favorites:

Wearing your baby can make your life with a baby (or a toddler, or both) much more manageable. Seriously, how on earth do you play tea party or smash ‘em up car races for the 90th time today without keeping your new baby safely tucked into your body?

Wearing your baby allows you to weave through crowded museums, zoo’s, and city streets with ease and without getting stuck in stroller traffic jams.And try stuffing a stroller into your purse or diaper bag!

A beautiful sling can dress up even the most spit-up on yoga pants and saggy tee-shirts! Wearing your baby is also a great way to camouflage your post-baby body if you are still feeling unfamiliar with your new curves. And the beautiful tail on this one can double as a nursing cover in public  if you both are still learning good latch techniques and feel the need for a little privacy.

Babies cry less; in the US it is estimated that babies cry 4 hours a day on average. I am pretty sure that if I added up all of the minutes that all 5 of my babies spent crying I MIGHT get to 4 hours total.

Babies can’t learn as well when they are crying and using their resources trying to get their needs met; babies who are worn have the opportunity to learn more!

Worn babies learn to see the world from a safe and normal vantage point: they get to look adults in the eye when they are speaking to them and engage in communication much more effectively then when they are buckled into a container with a view of the lights overhead.

Update 10pm June 14th, 2011: This contest is now closed…no more entries will be accepted for this giveaway. Congratulations to Jasmine C. who is our winner.